


Fade Away and I Let You Go

by artilirati



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Break Up Talk, Drabble, M/M, Miscommunication, Not A Happy Ending, Touch Averse Akaashi, hq angst week 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:55:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27357640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artilirati/pseuds/artilirati
Summary: For HQ Angst Week 2020 Day 2: “was I ever good enough”Akaashi is touch averse. Most days physical touch is too much to handle. Bokuto, someone who needs a little physical attention sometimes, has a breaking point.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	Fade Away and I Let You Go

“I can’t.”

Bokuto gave his partner a look, his brow was furrowed and the frown on his lips wobbled, hurt. “I don’t understand... I just want to sit next to you for a while.”

Akaashi’s own expression was conflicted, hurt, scared, his shoulders were tense and body curled a little into himself. “It’s too much today, I can’t do it. I really can’t be touched right now.”

“But... why? I really don’t get it I just want to cuddle for a while, it’s been a long day.”

Akaashi bites his lip, he feels bad in more ways than one and he curses his own inability to just reach out. His skin is crawling, the thought of being touched making his flesh buzz in ways that feel decidedly wrong. His brain feels like it’s on fire with just the possibility of contact with another person right now and, “I just can’t. I can’t do it. I’m sorry, Bokuto-san, but please understand.”

Bokuto heaves a heavy sigh. His shoulders slump and he looks to the ground, eyes set and hard, fingers clenching tightly into fists. “I don’t understand. I don’t understand how I can always be there when you need me but when I need a little back you suddenly can’t provide that. Words only help so much, ‘Kaashi...”

“I know! I know, Bokuto-san, but today is-“

“No ‘but’s Akaashi... it’s simple. You either can or you can’t and if you can’t right now then... when?” his voice is exasperated and there’s a beat between them. Beside then, Akaashi has started to breathe a little harder, holding back tears. “...am I not good enough for you?”

“That’s not it!” Akaashi is quick to amend, heart racing. “It’s just... it isn’t right,” he sighs, fingers knotting tightly into his own sweater, nerves reaching a breaking point. “You’re good enough, always have been but.... it just isn’t right. I can’t do it....” 

“...is there someone else...?”

Akaashi shakes his head as tears begin to fall, hands coming up to try and wipe them away quickly. “No. There’s no one. I just... can’t.”

It’s quiet for a long moment between them. The minutes stretching on in silence other than quiet sniffles and sobs from Akaashi. The pressure of the moment overwhelming and overbearing for both. 

“I’m gonna go...” Bokuto finally announces, standing and taking light steps towards the door. “I love you, ‘Kaashi, but we aren’t working anymore. We aren’t a team anymore.”

Akaashi just nods, otherwise unmoving as he sits and curses himself further. Curses that time changes things. Curses that his feelings for Bokuto changed over time. Curses that this damned sensitivity is ruining all that they’ve built together. 

Bokuto leaves quietly and would later send a text letting Akaashi know that he’s safe and staying with a friend and that he’d be by when Akaashi is comfortable to pick up a few things.

Akaashi spends the night alone. The apartment suddenly far too big for how small he feels. His fingers torn and bleeding from fiddling too much. 

As he picks up a photo of himself and Bokuto, the one taken the day they moved in together, Akaashi’s tears spring up anew. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be enough for you, Bokuto-san.”


End file.
